We should keep in mind that questions 3-41 of this catechism are explaining to us the things that we must know to live happily in the comfort of our new identity in Christ, and in this first section, we are focusing upon God’s good design for humanity. In questions 3-5, we studied the goodness of being made male and female in the image of God. Then with questions 6-8, we addressed the recent challenges to that design through the introduction of gender identity as a separate category from biological sex. With questions 9-11, we turn our attention to the institution of marriage and how God has designed it for His glory and our good. Next week, we will discuss some of the various challenges to that design, but as with questions 3-8, it is necessary that we root our understanding of how God created marriage to be before we are properly able to answer the challengers to it.

QUESTION 9

When was marriage instituted?

The holy bond of marriage was instituted by God at the very beginning of history at creation.

Gordon fittingly begins these questions on marriage by identifying marriage as a creation ordinance that God designed for humanity. Although we do not need to linger long upon this question, its answer presents two aspects that are crucial for properly understanding the nature and purpose of marriage.

First, marriage was instituted at the very beginning of history at creation. As we said when discussing our creation as male and female, although Adam was created first, God’s always intended to create Eve as well. God’s declaration that it was not good for man to be alone was a declaration for our benefit; it was not a reality that God only discovered after first presenting all the animals to Adam. The union of male and female in marriage was God’s good design from the very beginning of the world.

Second, marriage was instituted by God. Although marriage is essential for the overall good of society, marriage is not fundamentally a societal institution in the sense that it was invented by us collectively. We did not invent marriage; God did. Therefore, we do not have the freedom to make marriage into whatever we desire. As its Creator, God alone has the right to say what marriage is and is not. We have no more ability to redefine marriage than do ability to change the color of the sun.

QUESTION 10

Since God alone has the right to define marriage, we can now properly ask and answer:

What is marriage?

God created marriage to be a lifelong, monogamous covenantal union between one man and one woman.

If I were to choose one verse to function as the definition of marriage, I would choose Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Crucially, this verse is cited by both Jesus and Paul in their discussions of marriage. When questioned about divorce in Mark 10:2-9, Jesus used that verse to emphasize the original design for marriage at creation:

And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Paul also uses in Ephesians 5, to which we will turn shortly. For the moment, let us note that these citations in the New Testament emphasize that Genesis 2:24 is not an ordinance that humanity has outgrown. Even though by the end of Genesis 5, we are told the first case of polygamy, both Jesus and Paul drive us back to God’s good design, which is the becoming one (or union) of one man and one woman.

We should also note that marriage was created to be lifelong. Our earthly marriages are not designed to be eternal but to last throughout our lifetime. The tragic reality of life after humanity’s fall into sin is that it will likely not be for the lifetime of both the husband and wife. Rarely do a couple die together; rather, one spouse usually outlives the other, at which point the marriage covenant is dissolved. As we will discuss next week, this is only proper dissolution of a marriage. Divorce is permissible in select cases, but it is never recommended or prescribed. Marriage ought to be “till death do us part.”

QUESTION 11

Having covered the beginning and definition of marriage, we now move on to the purpose of marriage:

Why did God institute marriage?

Six reasons:

First, a husband and wife are meant to live together in sincere love and holiness, helping each other faithfully in all things.

Second, marriage provides husbands and wives with a proper setting to enjoy each other with the physical and relational desires God gave to them.

Third, by marriage the human race is to be continued and increased through the institution of the family.

Fourth, a structure is provided that enriches society and contributes to its orderly function.

Fifth, by marriage God advances his kingdom through the loving devotion of a husband and wife, as children are nurtured in the true knowledge and fear of the Lord.

Sixth, marriage is designed to represent the mystery of Christ and the church that he loves.

Like Question 6 last week, this is one of my favorite parts of the whole catechism. When thinking about the purpose of marriage, we may very well think of one or two of the six reasons that Gordon lists, but considering all six will enable us to better understand the goodness of God’s design for marriage and the intrinsic harm of deviating from that design.

First, marriage is for the mutual benefit of the husband and wife. Through the marriage union, they become one another’s closest and deepest partner and companion through the journey of life. During premarital counseling with a young couple, my wife and I always place a great deal of emphasis upon the necessity of friendship and companionship within marriage. Infatuation and physical attraction will only take a marriage so far in life.

Second, marriage is the only proper setting for marital intimacy. Gordon references Hebrews 13:4, which says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Keeping the marriage bed undefiled is the chief means of upholding marriage as honorable. And while marriage is far more than the marriage bed, the marriage bed is the core of the whole. Indeed, we rightly say that a marriage is consummated through the sexual union of the husband and his wife. Just as all of Israel was a holy nation to God yet the tabernacle was erected at the center of their camp of as the most holy place, so too is all of marriage to be upheld as honorable and holy but the marriage bed is the most holy place of its institution. Indeed, just as the tabernacle was decorated with garden imagery to remind Israel of Eden, so too does Song of Solomon speak of sexual intimacy with garden imagery. Here is how Song of Solomon 4:16-5:1 poetically describes the marriage bed:

SHE: Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits.

HE: I came to my garden, my sister, my bride, I gathered my myrrh with my spice, I ate my honeycomb with my honey, I drank my wine with my milk.

This is why the marriage bed is to be kept undefiled. It is to be kept pure and holy. For just as the tabernacle was glimpse at being in communion with God again, so too is sex a glimpse of once again being naked without shame. Sexual immorality and adultery are not merely disobedience; they are a defilement of what is holy. Just as the Lord judged Nadab, Abihu, and Uzzah for defiling the tabernacle and the ark, so will God judge all who defile the marriage bed.

Allow me now to make two specific applications.

First, notice that in the passage from Song of Solomon above, sex itself is not called a garden; rather, the wife is her husband’s garden. The marriage bed is the act of the wife giving herself as a garden for her husband to enjoy and of the husband enjoying his wife as a garden. Both husbands and wives would do well to meditate on that imagery. Previous generations rightly called the cultivation of home and garden the art of husbandry. Indeed, that is the work of the husband. A neglected garden may certainly still produce fruit, but we should not expect it to be plentiful nor surprised to find it surrounded by thorns. Indeed, a husband should not be surprised to find his prayers hindered if he neglects and defiles the garden that God has given him to tend. A garden that is nourished and cherished and watered with God’s Word will yield abundant and delightful fruit.

Second, we must also keep the marriage bed undefiled by keeping it private. John Piper writes:

The world should not have its nose or its cameras in our bedroom. Sex is not a spectator sport–in spite of the billion-dollar industry designed to make it one. Which means that the drama of Christ and the church in the life of husband and wife has its private scenes. The part of the drama has an audience of three: husband, wife, and God, who sees all.

Works 7:614

I hope that all Christians would agree with Piper. To bring anyone else into the marriage bed is to make what is sacred pornographic. Yet while many Christians would recoil at livestreaming their marriage bed for their best friends to see, the notion of talking about one another’s sex lives is often done without thought. Although it is not visual, how is casually talking about one’s sexual experiences with people other than one’s spouse not a defilement of the marriage bed? Of course, I understand that we live in a world that is broken and marred by sin, so there may be times when a couple need to talk through some matters of the marriage bed with a professional, Christian counselor. But simply sharing about each other’s sex lives is not building a deeper community (as some might argue); it is defiling what is holy by treating it as ordinary.

Third, marriage is having children. Gordon cites God’s commands for fruitfulness and multiplication. Despite the difficulties of childrearing, the Scriptures fully regard children as a blessing. To bring children into the world is to fulfill the cultural mandate of God, the First Commission. As a new human is born, God’s image is further seen. Sin, of course, makes it so that “folly is bound up in the heart of a child” (Proverbs 22:15), but that does not negate the goodness of propagating life. God’s image upon mankind may be marred by sin, but we each still bear it. The growth and spreading of humanity are the good designs of the LORD. Owen Strachan notes:

Throughout Scripture, childbirth is a blessing given by God, and barrenness a cross to be borne with God’s own gracious care and kindness. The Bible, in other words, overturns modern cultural mores regarding children—where barrenness, or childlessness, is seen by some as a blessing and conception a curse.

Reenchanting Humanity, 156.

If nothing else (although there certainly is much more), raising a child helps us understand the character of God better, while also enabling us to better reflect His nature. Every time I begin to lose patience with my daughters, I quickly remind myself of God’s endless and fatherly grace toward me. How can I not be loving, even in my discipline, toward her when God is so loving to me? Furthermore, how can we claim the moral high ground for not having children because of pain, suffering, or anything else when God chose to create us, even knowing that we would sin against Him and that He would die to save us? Perhaps there is no greater argument for the blessing of children than this: selflessly pouring out our love upon those who can never pay us back is a blessing because in doing so, we reflect and become like our Father. The gospel should be clearly visible to the world around us through our love for our children.

Fourth, marriage enriches society and contributes to its orderly function. The Baptist Faith and Message affirms that “God has ordained the family as the foundational institution of human society.” That is true, and the cornerstone structure within the family is marriage. Because marriage and the family are the smallest and most basic units of society, they are the building blocks for everything else. Again, because our world is marred by sin, some of those blocks will inevitably be warped and broken, but if the majority are healthy, society will still be healthy overall. Yet, as we see today, marital and familial dysfunction is now the norm, and the broader society cannot help reflecting that dysfunction everywhere else. That is why the hard work of “fixing” the culture can only begin by forming the kind of culture that we want within our own homes.

Fifth, marriage is for the advancement of God’s kingdom through the love a husband and wife show to one another and their discipling of their children.

While thinking through the best strategies for evangelism, discipleship, multiplication, and church growth, so many ignore the least of these within our own homes that God has already designed to each become their own household. The family is the primary strategy for fulfilling the Great Commission as well as for living a cruciform life; it should not surprise us then that the enemy, who is particularly at enmity with women and children, would so adamantly seek to turn our eyes and feet aside from that path, away from the will of the Lord.

Of course, such vision requires a multigenerational hope. When considering the goal and purpose of the church, we so often are attempting to plant the prettiest flowerbed in town. Should we not instead plant forests with trees rooted beside the waters of God’s Word, yielding fruit in season for the broken and destitute, and with unwithered leaves that are “for the healing of the nations” (Revelation 22:2)? Make the best use of your time by sowing seeds that will grow into mighty oaks and even redwoods long after your death.

Finally, marriage is picture of Christ and His bride, the church. The truth that God made us in His image, male and female, ran far deeper than anyone realized until the coming of Christ. You see, each marriage displays a far greater cosmological reality than is immediately noticeable. Indeed, Paul says that a profound mystery is attached to marriage, a mystery that has now been revealed. This profound mystery of marriage is that marriage refers to Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32).

I imagine Paul thinking over what he just wrote (or dictated) in Ephesians 5:22-31, reflecting once again upon the beauty of Genesis 2:24 as magnified through Christ. When he considers anew the universal and eternal glories pictured within such a common institution as marriage, he can simply write this mystery is profound, and I am saying it refers to Christ and the church.

And it truly is profound. The more we ponder this mystery, the deeper it goes. For instance, it is easy to read this verse and subconsciously consider the gospel as serving as a metaphor for our marriages. But while it is true that Christ and the church function as examples for how we are to live in our marriages, the metaphor is on the wrong end. Our marriages are living metaphors for Christ and the church, not the other way around. Jesus and His bride are reality; all other marriages are only reflections of that marriage in a foggy mirror. He is the substance; we are the shadow.

Because your marriage is a metaphor, the ultimate goal of your marriage is not individual fulfillment or happiness; instead, it is to declare to the world the true cosmic order of reality. Your marriage is meant to serve as a miniature display of God’s design for all of creation. This is why, as Strachan writes:

Satan wants husbands and wives to battle. He wishes for couples to engage in maximal marital conflict, to snipe at one another, and to pull apart. He wants wives to usurp their husbands and husbands to lord their authority over their wives. He wants every marriage to crumble because marriage is not only the means by which God’s creation is populated, but it is also a visible sign of Christ’s love for his church, as Paul teaches in this passage.

Satan especially wants the unions of Christian couples to crumble. Christians, after all, image consciously what unbelievers do without knowledge. Thankfully, the apostle Paul gives the Ephesian church the antidote to Satan’s schemes: it is the Christ-church picture, a picture realized by the power of grace that dawns in the believing heart. A man and woman may practice headship and submission in some way without spiritual renewal, but only the redeemed husband and wife may fully bring God’s vision of marriage to life.

Reenchanting Humanity, 149-150.

While the cultural shifts today should properly alarm us, we must not deceive ourselves into thinking that we can debate, legislate, or advocate our way to a godlier society. The real and lasting work is much smaller in scale, but like yeast working through the whole dough, its impact is ultimately far greater. We push back against the pagan sexual ethic of this world simply by husbands loving their wives, wives respecting their husbands, and everyone pointing to Christ. Let us be a people who provide a radical witness to the world by making our homes into Jerusalem, not Babylon.