Karl Marx had a point.

If you need to be refreshed on the overall concept of Marxism, allow me to help. Marx viewed life as one great power struggle between socioeconomic classes. Specifically, he saw capitalism as creating a large gap between the bourgeoisie (elite upper class) and the proletariat (poorer lower class), and that a proletariat revolution was both inevitable and necessary.

In recent decades, Cultural Marxism has taken the idea of an economic power struggle and applied to every aspect of culture, which means to every aspect of human society. Thus, there are power struggles between cultures, ethnicities, abilities, and men and women. To be specific, Western culture, white skin, heterosexuality, and being male are all held in the same place that Marx put the bourgeoisie, while being non-Western, non-White, homosexual, and female are equivalent to the proletariat. And the prescription is the same as Marx’s original: revolution. The less powerful must forcefully seize power from the powerful.

One of the keys to properly engaging with ideas that conflict with one’s own is to honestly evaluate what they teach, rather than dismissing them outright or straw manning. And when we honestly consider this overall premise of Marxism, we must reach the conclusion that so many people hold a Marxist worldview because it does actually express something true about our world. It sees life as a constant series of power struggles, and there is truth in that observation. Jesus even affirms that to be the case. In Mark 10:42, Jesus tells His disciples, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them.” The word lord is a great translation because it is the verb (κατακυριευω) of the noun for lord (κυριος). The Latin word for lord is dominus, so it would also be fitting to translate it as the Vulgate does: You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles dominate them, and their and their great ones exercise authority over them.

The other two uses of this word in the New Testament justify that reading. In Acts 19, we read of seven brothers who were using Jesus’ name to cast out demons. But one evil spirit “leaped on them, mastered [or dominated] all of them and overpowered them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded” (v. 16). The other use is found in 1 Peter 5:3, where elders are told not to be “domineering” over their congregation but rather to lead by example.

So Marx is right to see a struggle for power within human interaction. That is the way of the world and the impulse within our souls. We constantly want to have a leg up on those around us.

Sadly, Marxist feminists also have a point about the power struggle between men and women, even within marriage. In Genesis 3:16, God said to Eve: “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” As you might have already guessed, the Septuagint uses the same word as Mark 10:42, and history is sadly filled with many examples of women being dominated by men. Indeed, this is why I often say that, while feminism is a cancerous tumor upon our society, I am thankful for it. Just as the Lord used Arianism to clarify orthodoxy, He has also used feminism to correct many true injustices toward women.

Of course, while power struggles might be a reality of our world, Scripture gives us a much better solution than Marxism, which can only encourage egalitarianism at best and chauvinism at worst. While we will study the excellent wife of Proverbs 31 next week, I believe it is necessary to actively push against the pagan notions of a power contest between husbands and wives by reminding us of the Christian vision for marriage. Because of our default secular (read: pagan) mindsets, we cannot properly understand that passage without allowing Scripture, rather than culture, what marriage is and the duties of husbands and wives toward one another. Therefore, consider this sermon a bridge to help us properly step back into Proverbs 31 next week. To do so, we will turn our attention to Ephesians 5:22-33, though we will focus most on vv. 31-33.

THE ORIGINAL DESIGN // VERSE 31

While the world is indeed filled with sin and strife, Scripture tells us that that was not always the case. And in verse 31, Paul turns our attention to the biblical definition of marriage, which is given to us in just the second chapter of the Bible: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Paul, like Jesus’ own citation of this verse, is emphasizing here God’s original design for marriage. Even though deviations such as polygamy are introduced as early as Genesis 5, the New Testament drives us back to God’s good design, which is the becoming one (or union) of one man and one woman.

And because they become one flesh, Jesus adds this teaching: “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Mark 10:9). This means that marriage was created to last a lifetime, until death parts them. This is the only proper dissolution of a marriage. Divorce is permissible in two specific cases, but it is never recommended nor prescribed. In fact, it is only permitted because of the hardness of the human heart.

With this in mind, we can also look back to Genesis 1-2 for insight into how God originally designed our marriages to function. First, we should note that while God created Adam first, He did not create men to fully embody mankind and create women to be subservient to men. No, God is only properly imaged by mankind through both male and female, which are both different and unique while also being distinctly human.

Indeed, whenever God says that it is not good for Adam to be alone, we tend to only think of Adam being lonely, but it is better to read it as God saying that man was not yet complete because he was alone. He was not yet able to image God as He ought because man could only image God as both male and female. Eve, therefore, was not an afterthought; she was the pinnacle of the pinnacle of creation. Matthew Henry gives this wonderful comment:

That Adam was first formed, then Eve (1 Tim. ii. 13), and she was made of the man, and for the man (1 Cor. xi. 8, 9), all which are urged there as reasons for the humility, modesty, silence, and submissiveness, of that sex in general, and particularly the subjection and reverence which wives ought owe to their own husbands. Yet man being made last of the creatures, as the best and most excellent of all, Eve’s being made after Adam, and out of him, puts an honour upon that sex, as the glory of man, 1 Cor. xi. 7. If man is the head, she is the crown, a crown to her husband, the crown of the visible creation. The man was dust refined, but the woman was dust double-refined, one remove further from the earth. (19)

Indeed, that Eve was created to be Adam’s helper indicates from the beginning what we will see in a moment: the headship of the husband and the submission of the wife. However, we should note that helper is not a derogatory term, for God calls Himself Israel’s helper (Exodus 18:4; Deuteronomy 33:7; 1 Samuel 7:12; Psalm 121:1). In fact, Tremper Longman notes that in military contexts the Hebrew word is translated as ally. Richard Phillips also remarks that:

The woman was designed to be not just any kind of helper, but “a helper fit for him” (Gen. 2:18). The Hebrew kenegdo means “as opposite from him.” She is his matching counterpart, like a puzzle piece shaped to fit. The woman is not identical to the man but instead is complementary… She and the help she gives are designed by God to fit exactly what Adam needs. (191)

Together, they were called to fulfill the First Commission (or the Cultural Mandate): “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it…” (Genesis 1:28). While the command is for humanity as a whole, it could only be fulfilled by the man and woman working in tandem. The woman’s specific feminine task would be to fill the earth with God’s image-bearers by birthing and sustaining each of their children with her own body. The man’s specific masculine task was to form the earth, working the ground and making the rest of the earth like Eden. Through that complementary work, God would use humanity to continue putting the earth into its beautiful order and fill it with His image. This is, of course, why men are generally more drawn to work that forms and shapes the world around them (whether physically or intellectually), and women tend toward work that fills and beautifies the world around them (also, both physically and intellectually).

THE GREAT MYSTERY // VERSE 32

But again, even though God created us, marriage, and our masculinity and femininity good, our sin has marred and fractured them all. But God has not abandoned us to our sin. In the fullness of time, He sent forth His Son to redeem us from our sin. Indeed, while sin came through Adam, Christ came as the second Adam to bring us redemption. Once Eve ate of the fruit, Adam should have slew the serpent and then died in his wife’s place. And we know that that is what Adam should have done because that is what Christ for us, His bride, upon the cross.

As Christians, we do not merely look back to Genesis 1-2 for God’s design for marriage; we also now look to Christ and His love for us, His bride. That is why Paul writes in verse 32: This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

In Scripture, a mystery is not a riddle to be solved, as we think of mysteries today. Instead, a biblical mystery refers to something that was once hidden by God from us but has now been revealed by Him to us. In 3:9, Paul called the gospel “the mystery hidden for ages in God, who created all things.” And that is now what Paul calls Christ and the church. Indeed, Benjamin Merkle notes the train of thought between verse 31 and 32:

Just as the first Adam was joined to his wife and they became one flesh, so also the last Adam is joined to his bride so that they become one with him. Note that Paul’s argument cites Christ’s relationship with the church as the template after which human marital relationships are patterned, not vice-versa… God created human marriage so that his people would have a category for understanding the relationship between Christ and his church. (102)

This is why I have often said that our marriages are living metaphors for Christ and the church. Jesus and His bride are the Marriage, the reality; our earthly marriages are reflections in a foggy mirror.

This also means that the ultimate goal of our earthly marriages is not individual fulfillment or personal happiness; rather, it is to present a living picture of Christ and the church to the world around us. That is why Owen Strachan writes:

Satan wants husbands and wives to battle. He wishes for couples to engage in maximal marital conflict, to snipe at one another, and to pull apart. He wants wives to usurp their husbands and husbands to lord their authority over their wives. He wants every marriage to crumble because marriage is not only the means by which God’s creation is populated, but it is also a visible sign of Christ’s love for his church, as Paul teaches in this passage.

Satan especially wants the unions of Christian couples to crumble. Christians, after all, image consciously what unbelievers do without knowledge. Thankfully, the apostle Paul gives the Ephesian church the antidote to Satan’s schemes: it is the Christ-church picture, a picture realized by the power of grace that dawns in the believing heart. A man and woman may practice headship and submission in some way without spiritual renewal, but only the redeemed husband and wife may fully bring God’s vision of marriage to life. (149-150)

EACH ONE OF YOU // VERSES 22-30, 33

But how to do we image the relationship between Christ and the church in our marriages? Paul explains in verses 22-30 and summarizes in verse 33.

The duty of the wife is respectful submission to her own husband. Submission means being under authority or subject to another person or institution. For example, Paul uses the same word in Romans 13:1, saying, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities.” Wives, therefore, are under the authority of their own husbands, which they are to display through their submission.

We should pause here to take note of who this command is written to versus how it has often been read. Those on the more liberal end of Christianity typically attempt to explain away this verse, while those on the more fundamentalist seem to read verse 22 as saying, “Husbands, subject your wives to yourselves.” Both are incorrect. Paul says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Interestingly, most ancient writings would address the husbands when giving commands for the wives. So, by addressing the wives directly, Paul is acknowledging their equality.

It is the Christian wife’s duty to submit to her own husband; it is not the duty of the husband to force his wife into submission. Indeed, demanding to be respected and submitted to is not respectable. Just as it is “not glorious to seek one’s own glory” (Proverbs 25:27), it is not respectable to demand respect. For respect to be genuine, it must be freely given and earned. If a husband commits himself to the commands that he is given in verses 25-30, both submission and respect will come much more naturally to his wife.

Of course, 1 Peter 3 counsels wives to submit, even if their husbands “do not obey the word.” For “they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” Thus, a wife should show respect in any way she can and be submissive even to a non-believing husband, so long as he is not abusive or attempting to lead her to be disobedient to God’s Word. Even if he is passive and lazy in leading his household, she should lovingly encourage him toward godly headship. Sadly, it is all too common to see wives assuming headship in the home because her husband is simply lazy and checked out. Although the intention is almost certainly good, wives should not help their husbands by shouldering his responsibilities so that he can have time to play video games. Without resorting to nagging and complaining, she should encourage his headship over her, respectfully expressing duties or responsibilities that she oversees but he ought to be in charge of.

Indeed, notice that verse 23 says, “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” Male headship is a reality, whether we like it or not, for Paul does not say, “for a husband should be the head of his wife. No, he is the head of his wife. The only question is whether he is doing a good or bad job at it. This is why, while I still love the term complementarianism, I think it is more accurate to call the biblical view of manhood and womanhood patriarchal complementarianism. Patriarchy is certainly a dirty word today, being more offensive than any number of other expletives. But patriarchy is an unavoidable reality of how God has designed the world to function. Again, the only question is whether we are living in a good or bad patriarchy.

And this brings us to headship and the husband’s duty to love his wife. John Piper defines headship as “the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christlike, servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home.” Indeed, the husband’s headship must be Christlike because Christ Himself defines headship by being the head of His bride, the church. As the head of the church, He is our leader, our protector, and our provider, and after His pattern, each husband is called to be his wife’s leader, protector, and provider.

As her head, a husband must love his wife as if she were his own body, for Paul explains he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it. A husband must, therefore, now view his wife as if she is an extension of his own body, as she must likewise view him. His wife is not his slave or property; neither is she his boss or simply his buddy. She is his helper and his own flesh.

Matthew Henry draws significance from Eve being made out of Adam’s rib, saying that she was “not made out of his head to rule over him, not made out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved” (20).

The loving headship of the husband is expressed by nourishing and cherishing his bride. Husbands are called to be nourishers. After all, the word husbandry refers to care and cultivation. Indeed, when Paul writes for fathers to bring up their children, he uses the same word. This, therefore, goes far beyond mere physical provision (although it is certainly not less!). It is certainly the joy of a husband to provide for his wife financially, but he must also nourish her mentally, emotionally, sexually, and (most important) spiritually. He must care for and cultivate her. Like a garden thrives under the wise care of a gardener, a wife should also flourish under the wise headship of her husband.

This, of course, means that he must know her. Just as a man should know the strengths and weaknesses of his own body, he should also be intimately knowledgeable of the strengths and weaknesses, the giftings and challenges of his wife. Peter, after all, called upon husbands to “live with your wives in an understanding way” (1 Peter 3:7). Simply being around your wife will never be enough to properly nourish her; you must understand her, which is not a task that can ever be completed. You must, therefore, resolve daily to know her more. You must consciously devote yourself to this endeavor.

Of course, nourishing one’s wife does not mean doing whatever she wants all of the time. Indeed, husband who lives by the motto of “happy wife; happy life” will run his marriage into the ground through the best of intentions. Often desiring her happiness above all things, his servant-leadership contorts into him simply serving her leadership. She is not his helper but his boss. A passive and submissive husband is not nourishing and cherishing his wife; instead, he often crushes her slowly by allowing her to bear the weight and responsibilities of both the husband and wife.

A husband’s nourishing love for his wife is, as verse 27 says, that she might be holy and without blemish. His utmost desire to serve a key role in presenting his bride to Christ in splendor. He longs to see her sanctified, looking more and more like Christ each day. And this sanctifying nourishment, we must remember, never comes without sacrifice. Post-fall, we eat our daily bread by the sweat of our brow because the ground itself now works against us, and even the grace of God is free to us only through the sacrifice of Jesus on our behalf. Likewise, nourishing your wife will require diligence and effort. If you are not laying yourself upon the altar in order to ensure that she is growing “up in every way into him who is the head, in Christ” (Ephesians 4:15), then you are not properly nourishing her.

This means that husbands are called to do exactly as Paul commands. We are to place her own needs above your own. Love her as Christ loved His church, humbling Himself to death, even death on a cross, for our sake. Likewise, give your greatest diligence to sacrificially loving and leading your bride. Outside of following our Lord Himself, this is your highest and most noble duty. Nothing else is of greater importance. Give your wife the best of yourself, just as Jesus did for us.

And that brings us back to Mark 10. We began this sermon with Jesus’ statement in verse 42 about the way of the world: “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them.” But He is how He finishes that passage:

But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

While the world engages in constant struggles for power, God’s kingdom operates on an entirely different principle. In the world, greatness is seized. In the kingdom of God, it comes through service. In the world, being first comes through pushing others back, but in the kingdom of God, the first put everyone else before them. This is the principle governing the Christian life and, therefore, the Christian marriage. So, whoever among you would have a great marriage, the husband and wife must serve one another in the Lord. Just as Christ did not come to be served but to serve, we should come to our spouse each day not to be served but to serve.

Indeed, in the Table before us, we have a tangible picture of how Christ both nourishes and cherishes us and how He presents us holy and without blemish to the Father. The cup testifies that He has cleansed us of our sins through His blood, and the bread testifies of His body that was broken to make us into His body. Therefore, as we eat and drink, let us both praise and imitate our great King who gave Him as our ransom.