But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Galatians 5:16-24 ESV

There are only a handful of passages in Scripture that explicitly address the topic of marriage. Genesis 2, various laws concerning divorce and adultery, sections of Proverbs (especially 5 and 31), Song of Songs, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, and 1 Peter 3 are the big ones.

But even though those passages are central to our biblical understanding of marriage, nearly all of Scripture has implications for marriage.

You see, everything in life comes down to two commands. The greatest commandment is to love God with all one’s heart, soul, mind, and strength, and the second is like it: love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and prophets, which means that walking in obedience to those two commands is the fulfillment of the entire law of the Lord. If we love God truly, we will not commit idolatry or misuse His holy name. If we love our neighbor truly, we will not murder, steal, or covet from them.

And this has profound implications for marriage because it is remarkably easy to forget that our spouse is, in fact, our closest neighbor. Recall that Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan to answer the question: “Who is my neighbor?” And the answer, in essence, is whoever is near you.

That means your spouse is your first and most important neighbor. For a husband, no one on earth is a closer neighbor than his wife. For a wife, the same is true of her husband. This means that we are not limited to the passages that explicitly discuss marriage. Every command about how we treat others applies first and foremost in the home to our nearest neighbors.

That is why Paul gives the household commands in Ephesians and Colossians. Husbands and wives, parents and children, and masters and slaves were the three most basic relationships of Paul’s day. Therefore, Paul addressed them specifically because they are our day-to-day neighbors.

I say all this because, as you may have already guessed, our focal passage is not traditionally associated with marriage. The fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5 will be our text, and we will cover the nine virtues, three at a time, in three sessions.

The fruit of the Spirit represent the outward evidence of a life transformed by the Holy Spirit. Of course, we cannot manipulate or control the Spirit (look at Simon the magician!). The Spirit goes wherever He wills. And yet, Jesus tells us that a tree is known by its fruit. A good tree bears good fruit, while a bad tree bears bad fruit.

In Galatians 5, Paul contrasts the fruit of the Spirit with the works of the flesh. If we walk according to the flesh, our lives will display those sinful qualities. But if we keep in step with the Spirit, we will live lives marked by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. And these collectively are one fruit, one unified expression of the Spirit’s work in us.

But while they are the work of the Spirit, they are also virtues that we can cultivate. A farmer cannot make a seed grow, but he can prepare the soil and create the proper conditions for its growth. The fruit of the Spirit are similar. We cannot produce spiritual fruit ourselves, but we can cultivate our lives in ways that encourage its growth.

Thus, we should come to this retreat with two truths in mind: complete dependence on God to produce the fruit of His Spirit within us, and intentional effort to cultivate the conditions where that fruit can flourish.

Ultimately, Jesus is the perfect example of the fruit of the Spirit. Others in Scripture display these virtues, but only Christ embodies them fully and perfectly. And our goal as His disciples is to become more like Him, to be conformed to His image.

Again, this applies directly to marriage. If we want our marriages to be distinctly Christian, the most important thing we can do is pursue Christlikeness. After all, the health, depth, and joy of a marriage are shaped most profoundly by the spiritual maturity of the husband and wife.

Also, let us not forget that earthly marriages are temporary. But they do point to the eternal Marriage between Jesus and His bride, the church. He is our true and lasting Beloved, and our earthly marriages flourish most when they are rooted in Him and strive to be like Him.

So, our aim in this series is simple: to fix our eyes upon Christ, to grow in the fruit of the Spirit, and to reflect the character of God more clearly in our lives and in our marriages specifically.

In each lesson, we will seek to understand each virtue, consider how Christ perfectly embodies it, and then apply it to marriage.

May the Spirit strengthen us to walk in step with Him, shaping us more into the likeness of Christ, and resembling more our heavenly Father. And, as we do so, may our marriages grow stronger and healthier in our Lord.