In each of these three lessons, we will consider three of the virtues that Paul lists as the fruit of the Spirit, so our first will be love, joy, and peace.

There are real connections within these groupings. With our first set of virtues, we will discover the foundation for the ones that follow. Love, joy, and peace are virtues that cause our lives to give off the aroma of Christ. They define that atmosphere we produce to everyone around us, and they become more visible through the other virtues that are listed. These are the foundation or root, the next three are the visible fruits, and the final three are the enduring ones.

We should note, of course, that Paul speaks of a singular fruit of the Spirit, and it is expressed through these nine virtues. Thus, each is intrinsically connected to the others. We see this clearly in 1 Corinthians 13, where Paul beings his definition of love by reaching for two other virtues within the fruit of the Spirit: love is patient, love is kind.

And we could do the same with each. What is patience? It is loving, joyful, peaceful, etc. Each virtue defines and illuminates the other eight.

Even so, these three are the roots from which the rest spring forth, which is why I have called this lesson “The Rooted Disposition of a Fruitful Marriage.” Like roots, these virtues are not always immediately visible, but they give life to the more noticeable ones. They are deeply internal virtues with marvelously external consequences.

The pattern for each of these teachings will be first to consider the virtues themselves, then to consider how they are perfectly displayed in Christ, and then to apply them specifically to marriage. Those applications certainly cannot be exhaustive; rather, they are meant to spring us into our small group discussion time.

THE VIRTUES EXPLAINED

Paul fittingly begins with love, which he clearly views as the supreme virtue. John, of course, tells us that God is love. Love is not a force that exists outside of Him, but God is the very source of love. The Greek word is agape, which we have already encountered in the Song of Songs.

Interestingly, agape was a relatively uncommon word before the translators of the Septuagint used it. Christians continued the use, so that it came to refer to the rooted, covenantal love. Agape is deeper than the passionate and romantic love of eros, but as we have seen in the Song of Songs, the two do not conflict. Agape properly grounds eros.

With things as difficult to grasp as love, we are sometimes most helped by the way of negation. What then is the opposite of love, for that tells us something of love itself? Most would probably say hatred. But that is not quite right. Kierkegaard points out that hatred requires passion, which may still be converted to love. Apathy is a better opposite.

For Lewis, the opposite of love is selfishness. He argues that you cannot combat selfishness with trying to be unselfish. Love is the opposite of selfishness.

Both are correct. Both apathy and selfishness are opposed to love because love is fundamentally other-centered. It looks past myself and onto the good of others.

That is why love is the great command. Love God and love others. Loving God requires our gaze to be turned toward Him, and the same for loving our neighbor. We are born with a natural love of self that must be given in equal part to those around us. Indeed, those who are given to self-deprecation are still turned inward upon themselves. Self-pity is very much a form of selfishness.

Love, then, is fundamentally other-oriented. No wonder it is the first virtue on the list. In fact, the Holy Spirit is the great example of love. He never draws attention to Himself but is eternally focused upon the glory of the Son and of the Father.

And what of joy? The Greek word is chara, and while it can mean gladness, it is much deeper than mere happiness as an emotion. Joy, in the New Testament, is deep and abiding. It is not hindered by outward circumstances. We see this in Paul’s letter to the Philippians, which he wrote from prison, not knowing whether he would be executed or not. He writes, “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say, rejoice.”

James too opens his letter by saying, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.”

Joy transcends the highs and lows of life.

This leads naturally to peace. The word is eirene, which in both the Septuagint and the New Testament is the equivalent of shalom, and peace was an essential component of Old Testament theology. That is why Paul so often says, “grace to you and peace.” Grace is the great promise of the New Testament and peace of the Old. He is fusing the two together in Christ.

Peace, of course, is more than tranquility or the absence of conflict. It is wholeness and completeness, especially regarding our relationships.

PERFECTED IN CHRIST

We see these three virtues throughout Scripture. 1 John says that we love because God first loved us. Paul commands us to rejoice at all times. And for we who are in Christ, we have perfect and lasting peace with both God and men.

But Jesus alone perfectly kept in step with the Spirit and, therefore, displays the fullness of the virtues to us.

Consider the peace of Christ. There is clearly a wholeness and completeness in each interaction that we read in the Gospels. Crowds constantly want something from Him, His disciples need to be repeatedly taught and corrected, and the religious leaders continuously challenged and attempted to trap Him. Yet Jesus is never anxious. He is never flustered. There is a deep wholeness about Him. Jesus is fully devoted to everything He does. He is absolutely fixed upon doing the Father’s will, and there is no internal conflict or divided mind about Him whatsoever.

What about the joy of Christ? The Gospels themselves do not give us many explicit moments where we are told that Jesus rejoiced, but Hebrews 12 tells us: “for the joy that was set before him, he endured the cross and despised the shame.”

Jesus came, suffered, and died in our place, and He did so for joy. He was willing to face it all because of the joy that it would produce. Every time we read the crucifixion narratives we should have Hebrews 12:2 in mind: Jesus sacrificed Himself joyfully. Not grudgingly, nor under compulsion.

The great hymn rightly says of Christ’s love:

Could we with ink the oceans fill
and were the skies of parchment made
were every stalk on earth a quill
and every man a scribe by trade,
to write the love of God above
would drain the oceans dry
nor the scroll contain the whole
though stretched from sky to sky.

From His incarnation to His crucifixion and resurrection to His present mediation and future return, there is no better place to understand the love of God than in the person and work of Jesus Christ our Lord. He is Himself the love of God embodied for us.

APPLICATION TO MARRIAGE

With this all in mind, our minds should already be filled with how these virtues ought to shape our marriages. But let us consider some specifics.

With love, the fundamental question is: do you have agape for your spouse? Again, marriage ought to be filled with eros, but eros alone cannot sustain a marriage. There must be agape.

How are you cultivating that agape? Do you ever actively consider how you are turning from focusing upon yourself to how you may show your love to your spouse?

Paul specifically commands husbands to do this: “husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.” The word there is the verbal form of agape. And Paul tells us that we do so through nourishing and cherishing her. Now notice that nourishing is connected to the idea of providing, but the two are not identical. You can provide a dog with the cheapest kibble that barely qualifies as food, or you can nourish it with food that is genuinely good for it. The difference is the intentionality and care. Being a provider is not enough. A husband is called to be a nourisher.

Cherishing, too, is an outward expression of care. You may love your wife more than anyoen else on the planet, but does she feel that? You and her may both know it intellectually, but we are more to being human than intellect alone. How are you actively expressing your love for your wife?

Interestingly, Paul does not command wives to love their husbands. In general, wives are natural nourishers and cherishers. That is why Paul commands wives to submit and respect their husbands. That is the deepest way that husbands receive love for their wives, through respect and trust.

When we consider joy, we should again look at the example of our Lord. He made the once-for-all sacrifice with joy. We should strive to imitate Him. Marriage is filled with difficulties and frequently requires various kinds of sacrifices to be made, laying down what you desire for the good of your spouse.

In many ways, those sacrifices are meaningless if they are not done in joy. And I say that with a great deal of self-awareness because I am a natural grumbler. But we are not called to offer grumbling and unwilling sacrifices. No, we are to lay our life and our desires in joyful imitation of Christ.

One sure sign of joy is thanksgiving, which is joy made visible. Psalm 100 gives us the biblical attitude of worship: “enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise.” That is how God desires us to worship Him. Romans 1 also makes it clear that thanklessness is a core sin, for which God gives people over to other sins. Likewise, everything we do in love for our spouse should be done with joy and thanksgiving.

Finally, is your home marked by peace?

One practical place to begin is to thoroughly remove the word divorce from your vocabulary. Have the peace of knowing that both of you are committed to one another, come what may. Regardless of what life throws at you, regardless of how you feel about one another in any particular moment, you both made a vow in the presence of God and witnesses to remain together till death do us part.

Of course, someone might note that Scripture permits divorce in certain circumstances. Yes, but permitted is not the same as recommended. We should remove divorce as an option from our thinking.

Doing so, creates a place of peace even through the severest of arguments. Though it may take time to restore the relationship entirely and feel like one flesh again, you both are fully committed to making things right.

Is this the atmosphere of your marriage? Particularly, is this the atmosphere that you are contributing to your marriage?